Getting to know someone and trying to see if they’d be a good fit is an exhausting process. You have to be sly and vague with an inviting and friendly disposition that allows the other person to feel comfortable with conversing about certain deeper topics other than small, casual talk.
Self-disclosure is a long process that requires patience, but it is essential for the natural process of building a relationship.
Here are some tips that will help you with the “self-disclosure” process…
Determine if it is appropriate to say and not turn off your date. For instance, don’t blurt out the first thing that comes into your head, as it could come off as blunt and harsh. Also, if you have a secret like a prison record, it’s best to save that detail for later, just so you don’t scare off your date for now. Secure them first, and have them see how much of a good person you’ve become and gradually reveal more personal details about yourself later.
Take it slowly:
Issues like how many children you’d like to have and marriage should be addressed after getting to know them better, and should be introduced at another future time when it is suitable. Of course, initiating such heavy topics is awkward because you don’t know when to exactly calculate the right timing. Regardless, taking things slowly is the best piece of advice that you need to really focus on, or else you’ll come across as desperate to your date.
Many people tend to become extremely anxious when they are on a date, which is of course natural by all means since you want to be looked at in a good light. If you show physical signs of anxiousness, your date will catch on and think of it as you being too enthusiastic. Be aware of it subconsciously, and try to occasionally check up on yourself to see if you’re exuding any indication of nervousness, and remember to relax. If you visibly seem to be really nervous, your date might even remark on that. Stay focused and try your best to remain calm throughout the date and always remember, your date is feeling the same way!
It may be a bit cliche to say, “be yourself.” When we’re nervous in front of another person, it’s because we want to appease them and appeal to their standards, so we form another personality to adjust to their preferences. Keep things light and casual for a while, until you find that it’s time to talk about more personal things regarding your relationship. If you use self-disclosure correctly, your efforts will be fruitful and reflected in your relationship.
Take your time. You have all the time in the world, so don’t try to rush things, or you can turn your date off. More importantly, you want to find someone who aligns with your values and standards, so don’t rush it through fear based thinking. Make sure to review and go back to basics when dating, and how to master the art of making a brilliant first impression to your partner, and you’ll find it easier to delve into deeper topics with your date.