Passion Read Spirituality & Self Love

“F” it Forty: The Age of Confidence

I love my forties! Seriously, I am not even kidding! Forty is the shit! I remember when I was in my twenties thinking I was confident and had it all under control. Then I turned thirty and realized I knew absolutely nothing.

My early twenties were filled with bad boyfriends, questionable fashion choices, and lots of late nights. My thirties brought marriage, motherhood, and post-baby body issues. But, forty…I wish that I had been born forty!

There is something to be said about the confidence that comes with accepting yourself and understanding what you bring to the table.

I, as I am sure many women do, dreaded turning forty. I think that my sixteen year old self was in my head going, “Forty is so old! Forty is like… y’know ancient!”

The idea of forty used to be multi vitamins, water aerobics, and orthopedic shoes. Well, that’s not my forty! As a matter of fact, I call this period in my life “FUCK IT FORTY!!!”

My tolerance for the things that drain me as a person have been eliminated. I no longer participate in unnecessary drama, I‘ve let go of relationships that make me question my decisions, and gained the confidence to voice my opinion.

The confidence gained by turning forty has touched every aspect of my life.

Forty has affected my friendships.

In my twenties I had so many more friends. I made the mistake of believing the myth of THE MORE THE MERRIER. Well, I quickly found that the number of friends is not equal to the quality.

I also learned that sometimes you have you have to know when to leave the party before its even over. What do I mean? I mean sometimes you just need to know when you’ve had enough.

Some friendships unfortunately have an expiration date. Some friendships last an entire lifetime and some last a year. But, regardless of the time there is something to be learned from each one. Some teach you not to trust everyone, some teach you that you need to listen more, and some teach you to let your hair down, have one more shot, and have a good time.

Forty has affected the way that I dress.

While my love for expensive shoes and handbags has been consistent, finding MY style took a little time. I learned that even if high waist jeans are all the rage that they aren’t even a little bit flattering on me. I learned to play up my legs because they are by far my best feature. I also learned that I feel sexier in a pair of stilettos than flats and that sometimes I dress just for my husband because I like the way that he looks at me when I walk into a room.

Forty has affected my sex life.

We’re all grown up here so…sex is awesome at forty!! I wasted so many opportunities to really enjoy sex because I was in my own head. What do I look like on the bottom? What do I look like on top? Um, I don’t fucking care! What I care about is enjoying the moment. I’ve learned that sometimes the best sex includes laughter, that sometimes you get dressed just to get undressed, and some shoes look better over your husband’s shoulders.

Forty has made me fearless.

Don’t get me wrong I am not jumping out of planes or climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro, but I just recently quit a job that while provided some security also provided me with a wicked case of anxiety. I’ve learned that if my gut tells me that something isn’t right that I need to listen to my instincts. I have exhausted all of my reasons not to do something and decided to bite the bullet. Shame on me for not taking advantage sooner, but I will be damned if I don’t make changes now! Life is too short? Nope, life is long and I plan on taking advantage of every single second! The very things that have scared the shit out of me have been the things that have made me who I am.

Forty has made me love.

Forty has made me love hard! I now make certain that if you are in my life you know that I love you. There is no questioning how I feel about you because I tell you how much I love you as often as possible. I make certain that my heart is open and ready to receive love.

I am thankful for the heartbreak in my twenties. The boyfriend that cheated on me, the one that told me he couldn’t see us together long term because his parents didn’t approve of interracial relationships, and especially the one that told me that he wasn’t ready to get married, but was then engaged to someone else a month after we broke up. What I am most thankful for is the one that loves me unconditionally. The one that showed me that no matter what I do he’s on my team. The one that wraps me in his arms and provides me with sanctuary. The one that holds my heart so carefully that I can love him without hesitation. 

Forty is the time of lessons. Lessons both taught and learned. Forty has taught me that while I don’t know everything, I know more than I often give myself credit for. I am a better person because of the lost loves, expired friendships, and fearless decisions.

About the author

Diedre Barksdale-Garcia

Host of the "Let's Just NOT..." Podcast

Diedre is known for sharing relatable and funny stories about Life, Mommyhood, Marriage, Relationships and SEX! She has helped so many women find balance in the most un-balanced times, become more confident in who they are and challenge the motherhood taboos.

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    Although I’m not forty, I do have a very old spirit and in this life it has taken me a very short time to experience these emotions and understand myself (with the help from many many people).
    Dirdre, thank you! This was an amazing heart warming read xx

  • Amazing article!!! I’m 28 and this makes getting old something to not dread like I previously did. I know that I’m not alone in going through these hard times that I have gone through in my 20’s; this isn’t all for nothing!

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