Are you not feeling understood in your relationship? How often do you hear that one of the most important keys to a lasting relationship is communication… so much in fact, that it starts to sound cliche because it’s just so general right? I’m pretty sure the problem isn’t that we aren’t communicating in our relationships.

The problems is that we aren’t communicating the things that matter in our relationship… but even more important than that… We aren’t communicating in the right way! Do you ever feel like it’s hard to communicate with your significant other, that no matter what you say, he or she just doesn’t understand you?

We’ve all been there, right? We might even start to feel our partner is disconnecting from us. Well, the truth is, most of the time, that’s not the case at all. It’s because we aren’t communicating in the way our partners understand. It’s not enough for us to talk and think it constitutes as communication because there are countless ways people communicate which we will discuss in a future article, but right now its time for your truth bomb!

The breakdown in communication is what BREAKS most relationships.

Now, I don’t want you to freak out and get all cray cray because you are worried that your relationship is doomed because you don’t know how to communicate, and aren’t feeling understood.

Here are three ways to adjust your approach if you are not feeling understood in your relationship.

Also, please remember that I am using the words men and women in very general ways. Don’t get too attached to the gender side of things. Just understanding the different communication styles will do, and you might even relate to one or another.

Women communicate to connect; Men communicate to solve a problem

Ladies, the number one mistake we make when communicating with our lovers is thinking they process information like our girlfriends. they don’t.

As soon as you start talking, they are trying to:

FIND the POINT

SOLVE the problem.

Then when you continue on (which we do because we love to talk about our feelings) They. Get. confused! They want to know where they come in and what they need to do. Now, I’m not saying you shouldn’t express yourself, but keep in mind that their thought process is a little different.

Get more clear of what you may be asking of them, because the truth is, good men, want to make you happy and just want to know how they can help. So if it’s to vent, let them know in the beginning that you’re just venting! If it’s to talk about a problem, make it very easy for them to know what they need to do to make you feel understood.

Cut down the VENTING sessions

Like I said before, they are not our girlfriends and will not do a good job of connecting through problems/frustrations that we often like to express. And constantly communicating things he can’t do anything about will only make him frustrated because he can’t use his natural tendencies, which is to help.

The most important part of this and a problem I see with most couples is he won’t know when you are coming to him about something that’s really serious… like discussing your wants and needs In the relationship… because he feels everything you discuss with him is serious… Again, not saying you need to suppress yourself, just be a little more conscious of what you are needing at that moment… if its connection but it’s not too serious of a vent, could your friends possibly help you out? Unless of course, it’s about your relationship which then, needs to be discussed with your partner.

Ask your partner how they like to communicate!

How simple does that sound? Yet, I can’t tell you how many times couples don’t ask this simple question. Then we get into arguments over the way we handle arguments… (Trust me, I’ve totally been here) It’s our responsibility to know our partners, yet we make it so hard on ourselves by playing guessing games the whole way through. Everyone is different, and we all handle different situations differently. I encourage you to ask your partner, obviously not when you are in a heated debate, what they need most.

What would make you successful at communicating in your relationship? What do they need from you in times of stress? How do they like to be shown, love? And how do they feel understood? These are all things both of you should discuss so you know the game plan to be successful with each other.

Now, I want to learn from you. What has been your biggest struggle with feeling understood in your relationship and communicating with your significant other? Comment below!