What the Fear of Rejection Is Calling out and How We Can Shift the Meaning

by Kylie Holmes

“You can’t sit with us!!” – We’ve all experienced some form of rejection or fear of rejection like this in our lives, right?

That time you were picked last in school; that time that guy or girl broke your heart; or that time you showed your vulnerability to ‘friends’ only to be laughed at. Rejection…it sucks!

Not to mention it’s emotionally painful! When someone rejects us, before even understanding why we always assume something is wrong with us. It’s like our inner bully sets off on a mission to find every single little fault we ever had, and sings them at the top of her lungs “you’re not good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, [fill in the blank] enough”.

When really, maybe, just maybe, it just wasn’t a good fit? Maybe, that rejection just opened up a brand spanking new door with a unicorn behind it? The trouble is, so often we consume ourselves with what our inner bully is telling us that we start believing it, and then hide away from our truth in order to ‘fit in’. And this my friend, is the beginning of people pleasing!

“I Just Want to Be Loved!” You see, as humans, we crave connection. We want to ‘fit in’, we want to be apart of the group, and we want to belong! So we mold ourselves and our behavior to do just that. We constantly seek approval from outside of ourselves in order to validate our worthiness and are dead set on avoiding rejection at all costs! Am I right? Or am I right? I want you to think about when you were a kid, and think about all those amazing dreams you had. For me, I wanted to be a writer, a professional netballer, a leader.

Now I want you to look at your life and have a think about the reasoning behind why you may not be there yet. Is it because that rejection you once felt (and might still feel) outweighs your desire to achieve those dreams? Did you end up doing nothing and never following through with your ideas? Your goals? Your uniqueness? Or did you do something? Anything?! Because the truth is, whenever we do anything, we open up the door to rejection. Plain and simple, not everyone is going to like us, and they’re not meant to! It just means everyone has different opinions and their own unique view of the world.

So what that tells me is that rejection can be a beautiful thing if we let it – it’s making space for more alignment, for more goodness, for unicorns! So to recap: rejection hurts, don’t take it personally and just let it go. Easy right? …Not so much! But now we know rejection is crucial for life, we need to learn how to deal with it and implement this ‘carefree’ mindset around it.

So how do we do that? Lucky for you, I’ve got you and I’m going to share my top 5 tips with you!

1. Take risks, get rejected, feel it and then do it again

The only way to become better at something is by doing it right? So take risks, get rejected and in doing so, allow yourself to feel whatever it is that comes up for you! If you suppress the pain, it’s not going anywhere; it’s just going to haunt you. Remember, the only way out is through!

2. See rejection as proof you’re courageous enough to take risks

If you’re not getting rejected, are you really living?

Not everyone is going to like you.

If you’re not getting rejected, maybe you need to get out of your comfort zone and start!

3. Be compassionate with yourself

Instead of allowing an inner bully to laugh in your face at rejection, speak back to her with kindness and compassion. Think about how you would speak to your best friend in that same situation.

4. Be a student again

Use this as an opportunity for growth. What can you take away from this? Maybe you learn that there’s something in your life that you need to improve on, or you may just learn this opportunity wasn’t actually for you after all.

5. Let your reaction define you, not the rejection

As the old saying goes ‘as one door closes, another one opens’ – and I believe this to be so true! But you need to allow that new door to open for you!

How you react to rejection will define you, not the rejection itself.

So with that, I want to leave you with this mind-blowing fact: when we spend our lives pleasing others and avoiding rejection, we are in actual fact, rejecting ourselves. So ask yourself this, who’s more important?

Kylie Holmes

about the author

Kylie Holmes

Kylie Holmes, also known as Kylie Joy is a Qualified Life Coach, writer and speaker for women in their twenties who feel trapped in fear, are allowing the opinions of others and their inner bully keep them playing small. With her kind of crazy, no B.S. best friend attitude she's guna tell you what's up in the kindest way possible to help you love the shit out of yourself and live in integrity as your most confident self.

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Deborah Johnson SAYS:

Hi, I love the post, rejection can be devastating and it can have lasting effects. It is courageous to try it and try it again in order to get comfortable with it. My take on all of this is to do what you feel comfortable with and take baby steps, you’ll get there. A small victory is enormous improvement.

    Christal Fuentes SAYS:

    I love this Deborah! Thank you for sharing xx

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