10 Self-Sabotaging Behaviors We Do in Relationships

by Christal Fuentes

Christal discusses 10 self-sabotaging behaviors we need to snip because it’s disrupting not only our relationships but our integrity.





These upcoming weeks I’m in full immersion mode for the Melbourne event. I am so excited to be able to discuss my favorite topics in a room full of women who are ready to take their life, relationships and feminine power to the next level.

It’s literally a full day jam packed with content, gourmet foods, music/dancing, and cocktail hour(s) at the end.

There’s a lot of preparation going on at this event because you know I’m a bit extra like that.

Anyways, as you know, relationships are at the core of everything we do here, and although it fills my heart to hear how much our podcast guests have impacted you, I wanted to take a small break and do a solo episode to discuss something I believe we are unconsciously doing that’s (pardon my French) FUCKING UP OUR RELATIONSHIPS…

Or if I were more classy, I’d just leave it at “how we are self-sabotaging our relationships.”

I’m bringing out the mama bear because I really want you babes to flourish in love, but I also feel that we have been pointing the finger far too long and not even aware we are!


Today, I discuss 10 self-sabotaging behaviors we need to snip because they’re disrupting not only our relationships but our integrity.

1. Not becoming aware or managing your triggers

Relationships are not meant to heal past wounds, that’s our job! Sure, a good partner will help you throughout your healing process but is not their job alone. Your triggers are YOUR TRIGGERS and your responsibility become aware of them and find a way to heal.

2. Living out your deepest fears through your partner (paranoia)

This is when we make what we fear most, about our partner.

For example:

Maybe you fear abandonment because your dad left the home when you were young, but you now believe that every man in your life is going to do the same, so you spend your time searching for “evidence” that this belief is true.

Or, you’ve been cheated on in the past so now you are convinced your partner will do the same.
When we do this, we are making our fears from the past a problem of our partners.

3. Gaslighting

I’m sure you’ve heard this term floating about recently as it relates to relationships, and maybe we’ve experienced our past partners participating in gaslighting behavior, but do we know what this behavior entails and how we could’ve been participating in this behavior in our relationships? Gaslighting pretty much means “manipulating” to get what you want. When you make your partner feel like their experiences and feelings are crazy in order to distort their reality.

4. Expectations

Expectations set people up to fail and you up to suffer.

5. Control

(this is a topic I will go into a bit more in the future) but enforcing control in a relationship is anytime you question your partners intentions, checking their phones, engaging in gaslighting behaviors, taking charge of your partners interests, using victim mentality to break them down to the point of control.

6. Victim Mentality

Engaging in the narrative that your partner is always doing something to you. It’s never your fault. You choose to point the finger instead of taking responsibility for your choices.

7. Wearing a mask

You fear being seen or going deep with someone because at least if you get rested, it wasn’t really you.. This mask keeps anyone from getting really close.

8. Not prioritizing your relationships

Everyone else and everything else gets your attention. You partner is the last one to get your energy.

9. Being too needy

“The Needy Saran Wrap” as Zen Rose Garden would say. This is a co-dependent relationship where your whole identity is your relationship.

10. Not knowing your values

When you don’t know what you value most in life, you will attract partners who don’t align with you and will either fall into the above 9 behaviors we discussed to force them to align or you will suffer because they “won’t change.

BONUS BEHAVIOR: I guess you will have to listen to the episode to find out!

Tell me, have you ever fallen into one of these behaviors? If so, which one and what was the story behind it? COMMENT BELOW

I’ll share mind first if you feel safer… I literally fell into ALLLLLLLL OF THESE BEHAVIORS! Yes girl. I’m not a Saint. Unconsciously and even though they may have been small patterns, they caused a lot of damage.

One more secret though babe. When we engage in any one of these behaviors, we step farther away from ourselves.

The truth is, self-love will be a natural byproduct when we stop engaging in behaviors that sabotage our spirit and our relationships.
Christal Fuentes

about the author

Christal Fuentes

Christal is the Founder of The Ladies Coach. She lives and breathes her belief which is that you can’t find fulfillment in life without mastering the art of relationships.

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