How to Trust Again After a Cheating Ex - The Ladies Coach
 

How to Trust Again After a Cheating Ex

by Christal Fuentes

Being cheated on doesn’t feel good and might make it hard for you to trust in your next relationship. Even when you do move on and believe you are with a loving partner, there might still be a bit of anxiety and uncertainty about what their intentions might be.

Then this uncertainty and anxiety shows up in self-destructive ways which starts creating conflict in your new relationship. Your current spouse is frustrated because no matter what they do, they always feel they have to pay for the mistakes of your ex.

You then feel bad because you love your partner and don’t want them pay for your past but you don’t know how to let go of the hurt you felt.

It’s not always easy to heal but we have to figure it out because it could be costing you the relationship you hold so dear.

How to begin trusting again after being cheated on in the past:

In this video I discuss how to release yourself from your Ex’s mistake and how to begin to heal. The first thing I would suggest right now is to forgive yourself for the pain. At some level there might be some guilt you are experiencing for how much this is even affecting you.

IT’S OK BABE!

No reason to beat yourself up right now.

Stop feeling embarrassed that you gave yourself to someone and it didn’t work out. There’s no shame in loving someone. The real shame comes from NOT loving.

Every relationship gives you the opportunity to see who you are and what you give. If someone “betrays” the relationship it is not a reflection of you.

Sure there are always opportunities to expand cheating in relationships that are usually healthy, but if you are here, it sounds like you have moved on from an unhealthy relationship and are now looking to heal.

As I said before, truly healing from infidelity will take some time but here are some things I’d suggest you think about first:

Do you know what your standards are for your relationship?

Do you know what you even value?

Is there a way you can start fresh and give to this relationship fully?

What things do you APPRECIATE in your relationship?

How can you change the meaning of his infidelity into something empowering?

“The relationship you have with yourself sets the foundation for the relationships you have with others.”

It’s the truth. Who you are and how you feel about yourself reflects upon the relationships around you. There’s no reason to be swallowing the same painful pill over and over again of what others have done to you. You are worthy of true love, now and always.

But are you showing up for it? Or you still drowning in self-pity. We’ve all hosted a pity party before, so you’re not alone, but pity parties are not fun for anyone but the host… Especially NOT FUN for our significant others.

Are you ready to learn how to trust again so you can open up the relationship you are in and feel the all the love you deserve?

After this video, make sure you take advantage of the comment section, that is where I will be around should you have any questions!

Christal Fuentes

about the author

Christal Fuentes

Christal is the Founder of The Ladies Coach. She lives and breathes her belief which is that you can’t find fulfillment in life without mastering the art of relationships.

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Kathryn SAYS:

You said 3 words on how I’m protecting myself. I’ve been trying to lose a little weight, and each time I have a little success, I self sabotage and the weight goes right back up. I feel I do this so I’m not desirable to men, because if I was, it would mean being vulnerable to love as you mentioned, & in a way this keeps me from that. Weird huh. I want to reach goals, but I’m also really scared to. I was never enough for my ex-partner (who cheated many times but told me he loved me). I’m so confident in so many other aspects of my life but this is one I can’t seem to get over the hurdle.

    Christal Fuentes SAYS:

    The reason why you “self-sabotage” is because you don’t love your body NOW. If your goal isn’t connected to a greater WHY it will never feel good to you and not worth it. You can’t lose weight because it will be more desirable for men… You have to lose weight because you LOVE your body and want it to be the healthiest it can be. If you don’t love where are you now, nothing will make you feel better in the future and you will always self-sabotage. Honey, you are beautiful and completely worthy of love NOW, so create a life starting from that space first. XOXO

Kylie SAYS:

I was cheated on in a past relationship and thoughts are now creeping into my head that my current boyfriend will and is cheating on me. I find myself sometimes checking his phone to see if he has messages from other girls, notice that he has his phone face down alot (he says that this is habit), and checking messenger/whatsap to see when he was ‘online’ last, and then wondering who he was talking too. The female mind does like to overthink things and make up things that just is not there!! But the past couple of weeks I have stopped doing all this and made myself trust and love him completely and live in the moment fully. This has certainly made a difference to my mannerisms towards him and i am not as standoffish. I am just find it hard to trust again and not be so suspicious.

    Christal Fuentes SAYS:

    Hi Kylie, thank you for commenting. So happy you have stopped playing detective on your boyfriend. The more we try to protect ourselves from pain, the more pain we will cause. It’s better to trust and be hurt than to hurt yourself everyday because you can’t trust. XO

Brea SAYS:

Iv had an ex partner cheat on me and I forgave a million times and my forgiveness was still stomped on with more hurt.
Iv finally walked away but the pain is still there and that is following me to new realtionships. I compare things to my bad experience.
I have a lot of Self hate which then pushes people that are close to me away. Which then they feel hurt. Even though that is not what I intend to do.
I’m Scared to feel happy and good in a relationship and I’m always putting a downer on everything.
I always feel like they have another agender or are up to something.
I feel like I don’t even know how to be happy because when I find it in myself it’s gone again.

Erica SAYS:

I am afraid to call the guys back now that I meet because I am fearful that I will attract the same type of guy. The guy who hurt my heart and took advantage of contacted me a few weeks and told me he made a mistake and choose the wrong woman. I told him I still did not want to see him and thought this would make me feel better but it didn’t.

Mel SAYS:

Please no haters! I have actually cheated on my husband 3 times. I have never slept with anyone else, but kissed and sent inappropriate messages which is enough. I feel so terrible about what I have done and I feel unbelievably blessed & grateful that I have a very forgiving husband. This has all come about very recently & so feelings and emotions are still very fresh. We have done so much talking since it all came out and we both now realise that we had been neglecting our marriage for quite some time (not that that excuses what I did), but it has definitely taught me just how important communication is! We both now know what we both want and need in our relationship to make us work. I hope we both now have the strength to get passed this. I realised the hard way that I dont want to lose my one and only!

    Christal Fuentes SAYS:

    Thank you so much for sharing Mel! It’s so important to communicate what each other NEEDS in the relationship. I’m so happy you both are taking steps forward to repair and understand what you both need to do to make each other feel loved and WANTED. Your story is definitely necessary for people to hear so I honor you for sharing it. All my love! XO

Elaine SAYS:

3 ways I’m protecting myself,
1….I won’t call him my boyfriend.
2….I don’t talk to people about him
3….I probably don’t admit I like him as much as I do.
I guess I’m afraid of admitting how I feel incase it all goes wrong.
I was engaged last year and he called it all of say ‘he wasn’t ready’ so if that could happen then who’s to say it won’t happen again. which i know is incredibly unfair of me to judge my current ‘boyfriend’ by my ex’s standards

jewels SAYS:

I feel like i’m always being lied to. Or that i have to dig for the truth about something… So i protect myself by not giving myself fully into the relationship. I know I’ve been holding back. I feel like I always need to be aware of when I might get hurt so I can protect myself from it happening. I don’t let myself let go of the past. 🙁 It so sucks and I hate being stuck in this rut.

Cole SAYS:

I have been cheated on by my last 2 exes and I have been in a new relationship for over 2 years.We met online which also concerns me because I wonder if hes on there looking for other chicks. Some days are good and other days I question everything he does. His phone is a problem to me, he doesn’t even have any social media but I can’t help but wonder who he is texting or what site he is looking at. I try not to ask because I don’t want to be that girl. I know he talks to his kids a lot and family. We live about an hour away and because of our jobs we only see each other once a week. So, when I am with him it bothers me hes on his phone. He does look up football and stuff a lot but I still question in my mind what hes doing on it. I don’t think I have that gut feeling that he is doing something wrong, ( like i had in the past) but I just have the fear of it happening and sometimes I can’t tell if its just that (fear) or if my instincts are telling me something. He knows how much I had been hurt from cheating. He has been hurt from cheating before too. I want to be positive and look to the future with us but I can’t shake the past.

Anonymous SAYS:

My ex of six years cheated on me multiple times, and me, being the dumb person I am, let it happen over and over and over. Now, I am with the greatest guy ever, and we have been dating for almost a year and I cannot stop thinking that there is someone else. It’s like the closer we get and the more serious we get, also the more worried I get. I am unsure why this is. This year, he met this absolutely stunning girl and became really close with her. They were working on a 6-month project together at work, this required them to spend time together alone outside of the office, testing hypotheses and experimenting in isolation. Everytime I am with the both of them, he seems to stare at her in a way that more than friends do. Am I just paranoid or is this valid reasoning?

Jessica SAYS:

My ex-husband cheated on me and it took me a couple of years to enter into a relationship again. I love my current boyfriend so much that I am afraid he will cheat on me too and I just can’t bear that kind of hurt again. In order to protect myself I find myself 1. With my ears on anytime his phone goes off 2. Staying around him as much as possible so I don’t have to wonder what he is doing and 3. Always questioning his actions or words. I know I am self-sabotaging and he and I have had this conversation many times. I know my insecurities are the root of most of our problems. How do I stop? I would love so much to just stop worrying and enjoy our relationship. I’m afraid if I can’t figure this out he won’t want to deal with it anymore and I don’t blame him.

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