Personal Style Tips for Feeling Confident on a Date

by Stacy Hamm

It’s Friday night. You’ve got a hot date with that smart and sexy guy from Soul Cycle. You’re standing in front of your closet having a hard time finding something to wear, putting on clothes that make you feel like you’re trying to fit into something someone else thinks should work.

You’re worried about having to make a first impression of yourself that’s approachable but doesn’t send a message you’re not trying to send. You’re super confident when it comes to your career, but you wish someone would just find you a boyfriend, so you wouldn’t have to care so much.

You spend most of your time working, hitting the gym or brunching with friends, and dating is scarce so you frequently just wear workout clothes in your leisure time. When it comes down to it: dressing for a date is hard because what makes you successful in your career, doesn’t give you the same success in romance. There are personal style tips complete with a dating ritual that gives you the confidence and freedom when dressing for a date.

Dressing for a date is an art. It involves more than hair, make-up, and putting on clothes. How you get ready and prepare for your date is what gives you the confidence and freedom when dressing for a date. Having a solid, 30-minute dating ritual that I like to call the goddess time.

When you dress from the inside out is the key to feeling confident on your date. What you wear is important. Men are visual creatures, and your clothing speaks to a man’s sexuality, but on a deeper level, men secretly crave a woman’s virtue. Marianne Williamson says, “you don’t know how many times a man has wanted a woman to say yes, while secretly hoping she says no.” A woman’s virtue isn’t so much about what you wear, but how you wear it.

Thirty minutes of goddess time has the power to give the date divine alchemy it needs to put your inner Aphrodite in the driver’s seat for the entire evening. I remember my first date with the compassionate architect from my yoga teacher training. He took me to see a California reggae band at a local music venue. Naturally, I was nervous. The chemistry was palpable, and I really wanted it to go well.

I picked an outfit that would make me feel feminine and sexy, and also comfortable to dance to the music. I went with a black, v-neck floral top and a lacey bra that would show ever-so-slightly while dancing, and paired it with my favorite high-waisted jeans, and black leather booties. Topped off with an edgy jacket for a style that said, I’m strong, but I also know how to be soft. I rocked natural makeup with rose-tinted lipstick, and my signature black eyeliner, and had my hair in soft, bouncy curls.

Then, I gave myself goddess time to get dressed from the inside out. Ladies, this man treated me like a queen the whole night. I literally experienced the divine masculine inside of him from beginning to end. First, he arrives right on time, parks his car and physically knocks on the door. Yes, you read that right. He didn’t send a “Hey, I’m here” text. Then, he asks if I’m cold (it was winter time) and puts on the heat in the car for me after he opened my car door, of course! He engaged me in genuine conversation, and the working woman in me took a backseat to my Aphrodite.

The playful, sexy, wild and free goddess was in control, and I secretly knew that my dating ritual had elevated the evening. He was the perfect gentleman, walked me to my door and asked to see me again. Ladies, this is what virtue looks like. That was the first time I did my dating ritual, and I’ve been addicted ever since.

Whether you’re single or in a relationship, having a dating ritual when you’re dressing for a date is a game changer!

It kicks fear and insecurity to the curb and gives you the confidence and freedom you desire. Especially effective for dates with guys you really like. Goddess time sets you up for success.

Below, I’ve outlined my dating ritual, but by all means, find what works for you and feel free to tweak and create your own. Maybe your inner goddess is more like Khaleesi from Game of Thrones. Every goddess has her own expression.

Sexuality Stylist Dating Ritual (complete after hair, makeup, and dental hygiene are done).

1. Light lavender-scented candles

Put on your goddess playlist. I highly recommend listening to songs like “I Am” by Nina Grae. Have a listen here

2. Apply perfume, body oil and lotion

The brand Philosophy shared an Instagram quote that said, “You’re never fully dressed without your signature scent.” I wholeheartedly agree and follow this religiously. Find your signature scent, and let this be your first layer of clothing.

3. Layer your lingerie

One of my favorite parts of my dating ritual is choosing lingerie based on how I want to feel on the date. It’s like laying the foundation for your femininity. First, you care for your body and skin, then add mystery. Your date will never know what you’re wearing underneath, so it feels like your sexy, little secret that he gets to find out later down the road, once he’s earned it (which is a whole other article in itself!).

4. Get dressed for your date

Wear clothing, from head to toe, that empowers you to feel the way you want to feel on the date.

5. Set up your sacred space

Turn the music off, keep the candles lit, and turn down the lights. Sit in an easy pose on the floor/couch/bed, or wherever you feel most comfortable. Place your hands over your heart and name all the fears you have for the date one by one and describe the feeling.

6. Pray/meditate to call in your goddess

Now that you’ve named your fear, put it on the altar of the Holy Spirit and surrender them to a divine source of love, invite your goddess into your heart and say something like this: “I call in my inner Aphrodite and surrender all of these fears to Spirit/God/Love/Angels/Universe (whatever spiritual language feels authentic to you) and I pray for You to take them from me and return me to love.

I call in my Aphrodite to be the force present tonight and guide me to know exactly what to say and when to say it. Dear God* (insert your own spiritual language) may your will be done with the outcome of this date, may Your Will be done with the thoughts I think and the things I do and say, or do not say. Make my heart tender, and guide me to make this man’s life more wonderful even if just for this evening. I send love from my heart to his, and surrender the outcome of our date, any potential relationship with you Dear God*.

May I be the woman you would have me be and do the things you would have me do. I surrender my desire to be loved, to you. Please center me in your love, tender my heart, and calm my mind and may your fire move through me in a way that sets the spiritual standard for the relationship to be holy, and the connection to be sacred. May I trust that whatever happens tonight is in your divine plan, and both of our highest good. Thank you, God*. Amen.

Caroline Myss wrote a book called Archetypes, where she outlines common archetypes like the Athlete, Visionary, Artist, Caretaker, Queen, Fashionista, etc. that many of us embody. Archetypes help you identify what your inner goddess looks like. She’s the one who gives you the confidence and freedom that you desire on your date. She’s the one who helps you feel comfortable in your own skin. Marianne Williamson says, “the key to feeling comfortable in your own skin is knowing that you are not your skin.

” Your dating ritual helps you give the date to a higher divine superpower. Relationship expert, Dr. Pat Allen, has a book that has been my go-to relationship bible called, Getting To I Do: The Secret To Getting Relationships Right. There’s a masculine/feminine energy quiz inside to helps discover what energy you operate from in romantic relationships, and gives you professional tips on how to act accordingly.

One of her suggestions for feminine energy women is to package your femininity by looking good, smelling good, and tasting good, which is all covered in the Sexuality Stylist Dating Ritual above. Create a dating ritual that’s true to you, and do it before your next date. If you don’t have a date coming up, take yourself out, do the ritual beforehand, and notice how your experience of your surroundings and the people you meet changes.

One time I was in a Lyft ride, and the driver literally looks at me in the rearview mirror and says, your presence is very peaceful. When we made it to my stop, he got out of the car and came around and opened my door! Then, he apologized and said he never does this but feels compelled to take me out on a date and asked if he could. It was the sweetest gesture, which I kindly declined, but made me feel like magic was in the air.

Get in the practice of getting out of work mode, and into goddess mode when you switch activities each day. Give yourself 20-30 minutes of daily goddess time. Maybe after work, you change into something that makes you feel softer. Maybe you take a bubble bath, or light candles and use lamps instead of the ceiling lights in your apartment.

Remember: the things that get you ahead in your career, don’t get you the same results in romance. Practice the art of dressing up for the love of your life, which is you. Create a dating ritual, and let me know how it goes in the comments below.

Want more personal style tips?! Subscribe to my blog, and get the free guide: Finding The Perfect Outfit For Any Occasion, by entering your name and email in the sidebar of the homepage at sexualitystylist.com for more style tips and resources.

Stacy Hamm

about the author

Stacy Hamm

Stacy Hamm is the publisher of the blog Sexuality Stylist, personal stylist, and workshop host helping you feel like you don't have to look a certain way to wear pretty clothes.

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