I used to attract emotionally unavailable guys, guys that I wasn’t that into, or guys that it just wouldn’t work out with for some reason or another. At the same point in my life, I was also really insecure about my body, I was ashamed of my emotions and I couldn’t express myself. I was shut down sexually because I was too insecure to share my body with someone and be intimate. I was subconsciously sabotaging my love life from this place of low self-worth. Are you currently attracting an emotionally unavailable partner? They’re into you at times but then they just seem to vanish and let’s be honest, it really sucks.
You don’t have to attract vanishers anymore, not aloof guys or gals that drop you or even those that treat you as the woman on the side. You can have someone that’s available to you emotionally, mentally, and physically. Someone that honors your time, your energy, your body, and your emotions. Even if you don’t feel like it, the truth is you deserve that!
So, why do we attract emotionally unavailable partners?
Something I say a lot is, “Our relationships are our mirrors”. Our relationships are our greatest teachers, without others to bounce off of we can’t really define ourselves. When we experience a situation with another that makes us feel a certain way, they aren’t really making us feel anything. They are only inviting or triggering something already within us. If it wasn’t already there, they wouldn’t be able to call it out of us, whether it is intentional or not. These triggers are our buttons and our relationships mirror back these triggers to us.
Particularly when you connect with someone on a romantic level because you’re likely igniting an intimate connection that requires letting them in on a deeper level. When you’re showing more vulnerability more triggers are bound to be revealed. With that in mind, ask yourself, how is this situation with this emotionally unavailable person making me feel? What feelings does this invite out of me? Your response to these questions will reveal what it is that you need to shift in order to stop attracting an emotionally unavailable partner. When there’s a problem with manifesting love, this is a mirror to our inability to receive love. This usually boils down to a deep feeling of unworthiness.
Especially as women in our society, we are taught a lot of things that negatively impact our worthiness. We are sold a, most often, photoshopped image in media of what beautiful is. We learn that we don’t fit this mold and therefore must not be beautiful. Even though on a basic human level we are naturally sexual, we are taught if we are too overly sexual as women we aren’t pure. If we want to put ourselves first we are selfish and when we please others first it is never enough, so we feel like we’re never enough. We begin to feel that we can’t ever fully satisfy someone else because we’re not supposed to. We take on some belief or create a story that we feel like we are not enough.
On a deeper level, we believe for one reason or another that we don’t deserve the love we really want, or that we can’t have it.
We tell ourselves this story over and over, finally believing that it is true and live our lives accordingly. We keep looking to emotionally unavailable potential partners and can’t help but to be so damn attracted to them because there’s a need within us for them. When we are not validating ourselves by knowing how worthy we are, we will seek this validation from someone else. When we are lacking that validation from within, we become a vibrational match to that same frequency in others and end up with those that will only mirror and validate our lack of self-validation.
How to Stop Attracting Emotionally Unavailable Partners
You create the space in your relationships. If you attract guys that can’t give you love because you aren’t being receptive to love, then you have to get receptive to love in order to attract a man that will be able to give you love. While you can’t control others, you can set the tone in your relationship from the get-go through what you emanate, through what you do and don’t do, and what you say and don’t say that will enable a relationship dynamic that will honor you in a way where they will show up fully, with an open heart and actually be able to commit to you.
Or they will bounce right off if they aren’t the right one. However, you will only be able to do the right thing and say the right thing if you are inspired to act and speak from a place that allows you to receive love when you can manifest worthiness. When you are fully loving yourself and knowing your worth you will always allow love into your life because why wouldn’t you? You so deserve it! It wasn’t until I addressed the deeper underlying issues of my low self-worth and fully owned who I was, the good, the bad, the ugly, the sexy, the weird, as perfectly deserving and amazing, that I attracted the amazing partner I am with today.
But most amazingly, I have a great relationship with myself. It’s easy to be good to me, I no longer beat up on myself, and I feel truly free within myself. I love myself, inside and out and my lovely boyfriend mirrors this back to me by honoring me, loving and adoring me!