Believe it or not, good relationships fall apart all the time. After coaching in the dating industry for over a decade, I’ve seen it happen over and over again. A relationship with two people who are deeply in love and wholly committed to each other, suddenly run into major problems and the relationship destroys itself even though neither one of them want it to.
Here’s the truth: if anyone tells you relationships don’t take work, they’re lying to you. All relationships have conflict. All relationships have challenges to overcome. All relationships take work. If you avoid the work and challenges that exist between you and your partner, they’ll eventually explode in your face like a balloon you pumped too full of air.
But there’s an even bigger problem in relationships than unresolved conflict… and it’s this: An uneven balance of power. Here’s how power works in a relationship… If you lose all the power in your relationship, you become obsessed with your partner and your partner completely loses interest in you. It’s sad when this happens.
And if you gain all the power in your relationship, you lose interest in your partner and your partner becomes obsessed with you.
While this may seem better than the alternative, it’s equally as challenging because you feel very little for your partner and most people don’t know why it’s happening or what to do about it. If you want to keep your relationship together, you have to maintain a somewhat equal balance of power between the two of you.
So what do I mean by power? The amount of power you have in a relationship is the amount of control you have over yourself and how much influence you have over your partner. If you have no power over yourself…. you blame others for your problems, you can only be happy if others make you happy, and you let others dictate how you behave.
If you have no power over your relationship… you allow your partner to do whatever he wants, you don’t respect yourself or your boundaries, and your partner completely disregards your needs and desires. When this happens he’ll quickly lose interest in you, start pulling away and eventually no longer feel anything for you or your relationship.
One of the biggest reasons this happens with women is by becoming so invested in the relationship that you stop taking care of your own needs and having your own life. While giving yourself completely to a relationship may seem like a noble act, it destroys your partner’s feelings of attraction for you.
If you’re in a good relationship and you want to keep the attraction alive, here’s what you need to do:
1. Keep your own life outside of the relationship.
Have your own passions and hobbies that you do outside of the relationship. Have friends who have nothing to do with your partner. This will make you seem less needy and prevent you from obsessively thinking about him all the time.
2. Avoid games and manipulation tactics.
Games and manipulation tactics are all designed to gain power over your partner. That’s why they don’t work in the long term.
With games and manipulation, you either gain so much power that you lose interest or you stop playing them and your partner forgets why he was attracted to you in the first place.
3. Respect yourself enough to maintain standards and boundaries.
This is the most important one. Make sure that you make yourself a priority in the relationship. Don’t allow second class behavior from your partner and make sure your needs are getting taken care of. When you value yourself, your partner will value you more. And the more he values you, the more attracted he’ll be towards you.
4. Practice self-love and build your self-esteem.
We attract into our lives a partner who typically has about the same level of self-esteem as we have. When you give love to yourself, you’ll have more love to give to your partner and you’re less likely to come off as needy. Learn how to get rid of negative beliefs about yourself so that you can build your self-esteem. This is how you naturally start respecting yourself more and feeling like you’re a valuable woman.
The only way to maintain a long-term, healthy relationship where the two of you stay in love with each other is to maintain the balance of power between you both. Sometimes the power shifts in favor of one person or the other. And that’s perfectly normal.
Just make sure you don’t give away all your power. The minute you start giving all your power away to your partner is when he starts to lose interest in you.
Keep the power even in your relationship and there’s a much better chance of the two of you staying together.