5 Practical AF Ways to Boost Your Self-Confidence

5 Practical AF Ways to Boost Your Self-Confidence

by Danijela Jokic Vaislay

If you want to be a powerful, strong woman with confidence you need to learn the art of self-empowerment! Self-empowerment is all about empowering yourself, believing in yourself, and trusting yourself. Taking control of your own life, self-empowerment also means picking ourselves up after failure or rejection.

Self-empowerment is all about SELF, knowing that we have to pick ourselves up, we have to EMPOWER ourselves. Why is it our responsibility and duty to empower ourselves? The way we treat ourselves will reflect in the way others are treating us. If we do not believe in ourselves, other people will not believe in us too. If we do not build self-respect, other people will not respect us as well. If we do not trust ourselves, we cannot trust other people deeply, and other people will not find us trustworthy either. If we do not want and decide to pick ourselves up, the entire army of people who want to “save us” will not be able to help us!

Unfortunately, very often we rely on other people and external validation to empower us. We are waiting for that one perfect partner who will fall in love with us, and give us the power and confidence we are craving. We are struggling to “achieve” things, make a lot of money, create a “wild” success, become “someone” or “something” to prove ourselves and to the world that we are worthy of love, and that we matter. We have the power to pick ourselves up. We have to power to empower ourselves. Only we tend to forget that, especially us women! When we are not aware of our own power and we lack the feeling of self-worth and confidence, we are desperately looking for external validation. But then we get into the vicious cycle of never-ending self-pity and disempowerment!

A woman with low self-worth craves for the love of others to prove she is worthy. But, what happens, in reality, is (because we attract what we are, not what we want, as Dr. Wayne Dyer would wisely say) that she attracts a man who will treat her badly and with disrespect, find her not being worthy of his love and affection, and act like a douchebag! Or in other cases, because of feeling like she is not worthy and low confidence level, she ends up not attracting guys at all.

Same way goes about success and making money. If we do not feel worthy, we cannot achieve success, because people will recognize our fears and insecurities. Only once we do the inner work and empower ourselves, build the self-worth and confidence deep within we will then only attract good opportunities for success. The same story goes for money. Money is the currency of value exchange. If we do not value ourselves, we will never have enough money. Sadly, in many cases, we chase success and hustle hard to make a lot of money, to prove our self-worth and our value, when in fact it is the other way around!

As Gabrielle Bernstein would wisely say:

“Success is an inside job”

Our outside world is always the reflection of our internal condition. I coach women internationally, but I see the common patterns of the world. Recently, I gave the workshops on self-empowerment in New Delhi, and it was a true pleasure to see all the women feeling so empowered leaving the room.

At the same time, I felt this call deep within to empower more women around the globe and carry these principles and message even further. I will be giving a motivational talk in the Netherlands on this topic in a few months as well, and I decided to share some of the key points from the workshop in this article for The Ladies Coach ladies (I love you ladies!).

Here are the key takeaways (have in mind that these are just breadcrumbs of the principles, as this is a two-day workshop and I work with my life coaching clients for six months 1 on 1 to help them to truly embody these principles in their core and in their everyday life):

1. Replace disempowering beliefs with empowering beliefs

Belief is just a thought we keep on thinking long enough in our head! So, reflect on the thoughts you are thinking about yourself. Are you too self-critical? Do you bash yourself all the time about how stupid or foolish you are, how you could have done something better?


Affirmations are very helpful but have in mind that everything we think throughout the day are affirmations. Whenever you catch yourself thinking self-belittling thoughts, forgive yourself and choose to replace them with empowering ones.

2. Feed your mind with self-empowering food

What we focus on expands. It is very important that we focus our mind on positivity, self-growth books, read more articles like this one, watch inspiring and motivational movies, shows, and YouTube videos, listen to motivational podcasts (are you listening Talk, Listen, Change yet? If not, you have to change that right now!).

Following motivational speakers, authors, life coaches, and platforms like The Ladies Coach on Instagram and other social media feeds will help you to focus every day on your self-empowerment. Growth is also an important daily practice for self-empowerment.

Start your day with affirmations, plan, and positive mindset (if you did not download daily happiness planner and read my previous article on the topic, you can do so by clicking here).

I would suggest reading the following books to help you on your self-empowerment journey:

Lean In (Women, Work, and the Will To Lead)” by Sheryl Sandberg

How To Be A Bawse” by Lilly Singh

How To Be H.O.T.” by our beloved Christal Fuentes

3. Practice self-compassion

We usually are understanding spiritual human beings when it comes to other people, especially the ones we love. If they made a mistake, we will do everything in our power to make them feel better and tell them it was not their fault and to learn from the mistake and move on, not keep on beating themselves up. When it comes to ourselves we can be the harshest critics. Once we make the mistake, there is often no place for self-compassion. We torture ourselves and keep on beating and punishing ourselves, judgments, emotional overeating, and the ugliest self-pity story in the world.

That’s where self-compassion comes in, ladies! Imagine that your best friend comes to you with your “mistake”. What would you tell her? Would you hug and console her? Would you uplift and encourage her to get up, learn from the mistake and move on? Do that with yourself every single time you mess things up. You are just a human being and human beings make mistakes.

Mistakes are an important part of our life journey. You can choose to turn them into life lessons or to create your failure story. You get to choose every single time!

4. Take your life back into your hands

You have the power to create the life of your dreams. But first, you have to become the woman who feels worthy of having that life. Remember that success is an inside job, and that outside work is just a reflection of your internal condition. All the hard work in the world or strategy for success will not be of big help if you do not commit to doing this inner work. This takes us to the step five.

5.  Invest in yourself

This I will say with confidence is the most important step, that will help you to truly embody all the previous steps mentioned above. Remember we were talking about how money is the currency of value exchange? Please pay attention to the words that are coming: How much money you are investing in yourself is showing how much you value yourself. How much money you earn is the direct reflection of how much you value yourself. Higher the self-worth, the higher the net worth.

When I talk about self, I primarily refer to the inner work, You! Now, yes, investing in our education, clothes that we are wearing, the food we are eating is also an important indicator of how much we value ourselves. If there is one thing that you take away from reading this article is that: Success is love, career, and life is an inner job: if you do not invest money in the spiritual work within, you will end up having poor relationships in life.

I remember that both times in my life when I heavily invested in my inner work, it paid off immensely! Nine years ago I was depressed, I dropped out of college, I had no spark, no clue what to do in life (not to mention career!), no romantic relationship, and my health also started suffering. I knew I had to make the change and get unstuck, so I took a loan to pay for an advanced yoga retreat. Wisdom I gained from Indian gurus and spiritual teachers helped me to turn my life around: I fell in love, flew to Paris on my honeymoon, traveled to India, Vienna, and many other beautiful destinations, got a college degree in a field I was passionate about, turned my passion (writing) into a paycheck, and moved to India, and started doing the job of my dreams as a life coach!

A year ago, when I felt stuck financially, I knew by being on the inner work and spiritual journey for almost a decade now, that it was only the reflection of my inner condition. Once I did the inner work to overcome my limiting beliefs, and really tap into my greatness, my money story was transformed! I started earning numbers I’ve been only dreamt of, working while traveling the globe, and giving motivational talks and workshops internationally.

No matter how much money you invest in the external things (credentials, shiny website, branding, good looks, education) if you do not do the inner work to feel empowered inside, you will not attract good opportunities.

You’ve always had the power and you still have it.

You can empower yourself if you choose to! It is time to step out in the world as a confident, powerful, worthy, amazing woman that you truly are!

Danijela Jokic Vaislay

about the author

Danijela Jokic Vaislay

Danijela Jokic Vaislay is a life coach and motivational speaker from Europe, based in India. Her tips on happiness, success, Law Of Attraction were featured and quotes in many international magazines and personal growth publications, including The Huffington Post, COSMOPOLITAN, and Mike Dooley's blog. Her mission is to help people all over the globe, via her articles, live events, and private 1 on 1 coaching via Skype, to get unstuck in life and manifest their wildest dreams into reality.


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