5 Steps to Building a Positive Connection to Yourself

5 Steps to Building a Positive Connection to Yourself

by Christal Fuentes

That was a question I was asked in a recent interview I did for Healthy Hits the Spot and something I wanted to discuss today because the truth is, it doesn’t matter what you are trying to achieve in life, whether its a new relationship, a better job, or trying to lose that extra 10lbs… If you are not connected to yourself, none of that is going to make you happy and worse, will keep you seeking in the wrong direction.

In the interview (which I suggest you give a read right after this because she asks some really kick ass questions) I say that cultivating a positive relationship with ourselves starts by giving yourself permission to have all the love we deserve.

But there’s a problem that we’ll face after we give ourselves that permission… The problem is, we only know what we know. We all want to love and certainly have the best intentions for loving ourselves, but the “love” we know has been tainted by our past experiences with it. So the “love” we were showing ourselves will only be a reflection of what we actually know.

Let me ask you, what has been your lifelong pattern or something you just can’t seem to stop struggling with?

Do you keep getting in bad relationships? Are you constantly at war with your body? Do you find yourself constantly anxious or stressed? Do you find yourself reliving the drama/trauma of your past that it makes it hard for you to let go? Do you have people who are close to you that always need something from you without giving back? There’s definitely more we can add here but my guess is, we’ve all been through at least one of these right? (if not all!)

Here’s the scary part though… Our outside world is a reflection of our inner-world…

How we treat ourselves will reflect how we feel and what we allow around us…

but we often times find connection and comfort in the chaos of our life that’s why it’s so hard to actually change.

I mean, raise your hand if you know what’s not working in your life… (Everyone raises their hand)

We all know what’s not working but that’s not enough to change it, why? Because in some way, shape or shitty form, we are getting something out of all this toxicity. We are attached to it. Connected to it. And find Comfort in it… Well, that shit changes today because you are worthy of way more and that starts by creating a more positive connection to yourself so that you can start to transform your outer world. 

So, do you deserve to feel peace and love? What was your first response to that question? Most of the time, in our subconscious mind, we actually feel unworthy of the things we want so much! How crazy is it to think we are the ones actually stopping us from what we can get out of our lives?! Well, I challenge you to take a deep look inside through a practice I’d like to call “Are you worthy?”

Here we go:

1. Write down the patterns you see show up consistently? Whether it’s bad relationships, financial trouble, stress, anxiety, the feeling of guilt, always feeling angry, frustrated, feeling uneasy, loneliness, depression etc. Go ahead and write without thinking about all the ways you have allowed yourself to feel. You don’t have to just write negative ways, go ahead and write positive ways you’ve allowed yourself to feel just keep in mind, I’m asking you to be truthful regarding your most constant emotions.

2. Now I want you to write all the emotions you would like to feel more of.  How would life be better if you felt these THESE emotions more?

3. “Are you worth it?” Well… Are you? Don’t just say yes, I want you to write about all the reasons why you are worth feeling more of the emotions you want to feel! Keep going, why do you deserve to have these beautiful things in your life such as, great relationships, peace, a job you love, feeling at ease, feeling confident, enjoying life, not stressing etc.

 Keep going…

If you are having a hard time, as I’m sure some of you are, please understand that this is exactly why I’m doing this with you all!
As I said before we are the ones that think we are not worth it, which allows us to get in shitty relationships, jobs we can’t stand, stress about things we can’t control, allow others to run our lives, constantly be surrounded by drama.

Why? Because in some sick, crazy demented way, we secretly find comfort in it! It also allows us to not take responsibility for the reasons why we feel the way we feel. It allows us to put the responsibility on others. Which in turns puts all our life’s happiness, pleasure, and enjoyment in the hands of others…

Stop the BS cycle! Take charge and feel worthy enough for the life you want. It’s all you got, and I don’t mean to sound cliché but seriously you are R-E-S-P-O-N-S-I-B-L-E for the way you live your life. However, beyond that, you are more than worthy of the dream you want. And if you won’t hear it from me, maybe you’ll listen to the Queen of OWNing her life… Oprah Winfrey!


Now for the two last and final steps:

4. Write down how drastic your life could change if you felt worthy enough for the things you want. What if you were able to feel joyful every day because you were given that life’s right? What things would you achieve? What would your relationships be like? What would your job feel like? Most importantly, how would you feel waking up every day knowing that you are more in control of the way your life pans out?


5. Make the commitment!
Love to you!

Christal Fuentes

about the author

Christal Fuentes

Christal is the Founder of The Ladies Coach. She lives and breathes her belief which is that you can’t find fulfillment in life without mastering the art of relationships.

Megan SAYS:

Reading this at the end of the year could not have been more appropriate, thank you
Definately something worth looking into, reflecting upon and being honest and truthful with oneself. something I am sure I will revisit throughout my life xx
Your articles usually arrive at the most appropriate times in my life, you truly are such a purposeful, inspirational and wonderful lady xxx

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