Having married my knight in shining armor, and being in a committed and wonderful relationship, that continues to blossom and flourish, for over 5 years now, these struggles feel so far away from me. I can feel my single friends pain, because I’ve been through the lessons, and I can see it so clearly. The people we choose, and why, and the outcome of these actions; for better or worse.
Holidays like Valentine’s day or New Year’s Eve are focused on romantic love; and after all the roses, diamonds, chocolate and champagne, it’s nearly impossible to not feel hungover from an oxytocin crash. So how do we recover? I think it’s important to focus on being present with the love that we have within us every day. What about to be present with the love that you have for yourself?
You see, We have it all wrong. The most important relationship you will ever have is the one with yourself!
The relationship you have with yourself is what sets your standards for how you show up in your job, your friendships, your romantic relationship…It sets the standards for how you show up in life! In my opinion, the only way to beat the single life blues is by connecting with yourself and loving yourself fully!
So how do we do that? Well, there are two aspects. Firstly, you must cultivate self-love; which is a continuing practice, but you also need to be aware of your values and standards. The topic of values and standards is so deep, it could have a completely separate article devoted to it. So let’s look at self-love for now.
Self-love is far more complex than just taking a bubble bath, meditating daily, and nourishing your body with high vibe foods. Picture Self-love as a tree. The trunk is you, and then there are 10 branches branching off of it.
Here are the 10 components that make up self-love:
**These Branches of Self-Love have been adapted from Christine Arylo’s work**
1. Self-awareness and self-honesty
This has to do with being AWARE of what you value, and what your standards are. Note- we are discussing standards here, NOT expectations. Expectations are egocentric fear-based thoughts, whereas standards are loving thoughts. Standards are knowing what we are worth, and what we will and will not settle for.
Loving yourself unconditionally, even the parts that you don’t particularly like.
Nourishing your body mind and soul so you feel whole and full of energy.
4. Self-compassion & self-forgiveness
Having compassion for your story or journey, and where you’re at, and not being too hard on yourself…Take the pressure off! Everything in this moment is exactly as it should be!
Building a strong enough relationship with yourself so that you can distinctly tell if it’s the ego or your soul talking. The ego is comprised of fear-based thoughts, whereas you soul has thoughts that come from pure, loving, universal energy.
Having the confidence to show up in life exactly the way you want to experience it.
Empowering yourself to be more, do more, and see more; to really live out those dreams! Whatever your heart desires, is yours to take. The fact that you have that desire means that it is meant for you. All you have to do is put a little work in, have a little faith, and go out and claim it as yours!
8. Self-respect and self-honor
Respect yourself !!! Again, this goes back to standards. For example, settling for the guy who shows interest in you, out of fear of being lonely, is NOT a form of self-respect. There are a number of complexities on why this is an issue.
Firstly, when you are not respecting yourself, you are likely subconsciously breaking down your self-esteem even more than it already is. It’s hard to be happy when we are not living in integrity with who we truly are. Furthermore, by being in a relationship just because, even though you know he’s not the one, you don’t allow space for the universe to put the man who you’re meant to be within your path!
Plain and simple… HAVE FUN! What did you enjoy doing as a little kid? What’s that hobby or class that you keep saying you’ll go to, but then never do? Make time for these sorts of things.
SPEAK YOUR TRUTH!!! This is so, so, SO, important to living a life of health, wealth, happiness and success…fulfillment really. You must speak your truth in order to have all the other areas of your life coincide into one epic amazing life!
My journey to self-love was long. I hated myself for my first 20 years of life. I didn’t think I was worthy of love, success, happiness….nothing. Today people often say to me, “how did you get so lucky?” To have the insight, the amazing husband, the happiness and love that I have… I didn’t get lucky. IT TOOK WORK! But it was so worth it, because the quality of life that I have today, is beyond anything I could’ve imagined.
Which is why I continue to grow, and cultivate this love for myself, the universe, and people in my life, because I want to see how much more amazing and magical my life can become!
My hope for you is that by reading this article you have subconsciously taken a self-assessment to see what areas of self-love are lacking in your life. Don’t hate on yourself; have compassion for your journey and where you’re at. Give thanks, for having the honesty to realize in what areas you need to grow, and then do the work!
Love & Gratitude,