Do you sometimes wonder where the spark, intimacy, and romance went in your relationship?
I have seen so many relationships fall apart because they lost their spark, but in most cases, their spark was the first to go but isn’t what broke the relationship. It is everything else that followed soon after, that broke the relationship and is the thing that could have saved most.
I am still a newlywed and have been married for six months now. The honeymoon phase is spectacular, and I have been in this so-called honeymoon phase for 4 and a half years. Why? Or how you might ask? Some people may be thinking, “but your relationship has only just begun, of course, you’re still in that phase,” but we continually work to stay in that phase. Both being in the military, our relationship has been put to the test but is stronger than ever.
What I would like you to think about, is how much energy do you put into the relationship? This question doesn’t include house chores, children or external fluff, purely you and your partner/ lover/ husband/ wife whoever that may be for you. The energy I’m talking about is love, sexuality, and romance. Being sensual shouldn’t feel like a chore or a task that gets repeated the next day, or week.
Think about what made you attracted to your partner in the first place, and it doesn’t have to be physical. It could be an inherent trait that they have.
- The sound of my husband’s laugh makes me…
- The dimple on the side of my girlfriend’s face makes me want to…
- His kind heart makes me feel…
I want you to feel that energy, that “want” and that “lust,” find that confidence that you had at the beginning of your relationship and start showing it again or continue to show it.
I’m not asking you to dress up in a Playboy outfit every day to impress them (though they may not have any complaints if you did!) because the simplest things can do a lot for a relationship. This is for you, about you and to help you and your relationship become so much stronger. It isn’t to impress your partner. It’s to make them feel appreciated, once you start making them feel appreciated it becomes a ripple effect. The essence inside you, all that energy that makes you feel sexy, confident and beautiful, you have inside of you.
Think about how you and your partner eat meals, or dinner together.
- Do you sit at opposite ends of the table with your children in the middle?
- Do you sit in front of a television with your eyes glued to the screen, seated at opposite ends of the sofa?
- Do you not eat together at all due to different working hours?
- Do you study/work while you eat your dinner?
These are all simple examples of completely being unaware that you are ignoring each other. It may seem like a small thing to a lot of people, but connecting while eating is one of the greatest ways to show appreciation and strengthen a relationship. Why? Humans need to eat, we all enjoy food and sitting down with our favorite meal. Now add your other half who is sharing that moment with you. You have now created a bubble of happiness, eye contact, smiling and an intimate meal together causes dopamine to release into the body, which then releases the big ‘O’ – oxytocin.
Young couples in love, or those in new relationships, are so sensual and intimate and bonded because they are giving themselves permission to do all of this. In some cases relationships go through the honeymoon phase, then might come a marriage and a honeymoon, which soon after the so-called honeymoon phase may end. Then a child might get added to the family.
Now, new struggles may arise. Money might be tight as you’ve just had an amazing wedding and a honeymoon. Your body is changing, and hormones are running rampant, and your relationship might get put on the back burner. Then once the baby is out, there is a crying life that needs your attention – and the relationship may suffer a little bit more. When you do find time, do you give yourself permission to do this? Family visits all the time, and you don’t think you can find time, the right place.
My tip, if you find yourselves alone, with any time at all, use it to the best of your abilities.
Let yourself just fall into the moment, be happy with where you are in your current situation and let go of reality.
The thought of being caught always makes it more risky and exciting. When you try to let go of control, that is when your inner energy comes out and takes over. You need this release. Your body wants this release.
Tonight I recommend having dinner together, sitting on the couch side-by-side, touching, turn the volume of the television down to a low hum and start making eye contact. Smile more. I bet you have a beautiful smile that your partner loves to see. Squeeze your pelvic floor, as if you’re trying to hold yourself from going to the bathroom, do this a few times and tell your partner quietly what you’re doing and how you feel. Now say you’re favorite thing about them and how it makes you feel, what it makes you want to do. You and your partner own the moment, make the most of it and if you don’t think you have time then make time.