How to “Self-Love” in a Social Media World

by Sam Tallent

It’s a Saturday afternoon and you were just looking to pass some time, you clicked that rainbow social media square and suddenly your life feels like it’s lacking. Your wardrobe needs updating, you should lose some weight, whiten your teeth, your peers are onto the latest program, oh and you better book an Insta-worthy holiday.

All this from some pretty pictures shared by social media strangers – absolute BS, right?! There’s nothing like a good old social media scroll to leave you feeling less than. In under a minute you’ll be taken down from feeling great and fulfilled, to having perceived perfection staring back at you. This is exactly what my Instagram feed used to look like and I regularly logged off the app feeling like I wasn’t keeping up with my peers, or worse, that I wasn’t good enough just as I am.

It sucked! When I found myself in that comparison state, I was never as fulfilled, inspiring, creative or of true service to my clients. So I really had to change it up! Do you ever jump off the socials feeling this way?

If so, here’s how you change it up:

1. Be bold & unfollow

If an online account isn’t inspiring or delighting you, it’s likely draining you. It might be time to hit that unfollow button. Never feel bad about unfollowing an account, your feed is about you and your consumption, not them. If it happens to be a friend or someone you’ve connected with online, simply reach out with an honest DM letting them know that you are taking a little break for yourself and you’ll be back in the future and that you’re still supporting them from afar.

You’ll be surprised by how refreshing it is to cleanse your feed and how little you’ll miss these posts.

Out of sight, out of mind! And remember, you can always go back and follow later.

2. Don’t let your socials be the first thing you see in the morning

The morning should be a sacred time for you. It allows you to set yourself up for a productive and meaningful day. The worst thing we can do is to roll over, grab our phone and start the comparison game while having ads demanding our attention (and dollars). It’s no wonder comparison and insecurity is at an all-time high since these pretty little squares came into our lives.

Instead, move quietly through your morning, doing activities that nourish you. Read a page of a book, meditate, drink lemon water, diffuse essential oils, moisturize your body, drink tea, cook breakfast.. then, while on your commute (or even later if you can), you can click the apps.

3. Remember, the large accounts are a crafted-business

This one can be very easily forgotten, especially for the accounts that started out in someone’s bedroom. But the fact of the matter is, social influence is serious money- for both the influencer and the brands! Social agencies are popping up everywhere and are showing no signs of slowing down. So take these accounts, and their posts, with a grain of salt, things aren’t always what they seem. Agent’s advice, photographer friends, sponsorships.. there are many fingers in the pie.

4. Your real connections mean so much more than strangers on the internet

The internet can certainly be a place for good. A place to meet like-minded people, find new groups, support meaningful causes etc, but how often are we basing our post’s (and often our own) worth from strangers off the internet? If you’re craving a little extra lovin’ one day, don’t be afraid to reach out to those closest to you!

Text or call a friend and ask for a little boost if you’re feeling a little flat. That’s what our real friendships are for! A friend telling me they love me means more than a million post likes. Real-life connections should be your priority. The more you connect with those closest to you, the less you’ll depend on online-stranger-love.

5. Allow the new algorithm to work for you

Since the Instagram algorithm changes, engagement seems like a distant memory for most of us, however, the algorithm can work for you, I’ll show you how. Engage with the accounts that truly inspire and uplift you. The more you engage with them, the more they will appear in your feed! Easy right? Insta wants to show you want it thinks you want! So engage away and scroll over those that are less uplifting for you (especially if you didn’t want to unfollow them).

The account holders of the accounts you love would love to have you reach out to engage with them, and I am sure they will share the love right back! You never know what new connections you might make, simply by leaving meaningful comments on these uplifting accounts. I have made new besties from Instagram, so I know it’s possible!

6. Remember what’s awesome about YOU

If you only apply one of these tips, please make it this one! When we’re locked in comparison, it can be nearly impossible to see our own beauty and worth, especially when we’re seeing accounts that look a particular way to get all the engagement. But these accounts most often fall into the crafted-business category above and aren’t a reflection of a well-rounded life.

While scrolling, remember; What are the compliments you receive? What qualities do you have? What makes you smile the most? What are your strengths? What is your purpose in the world? Why do you use social media in the first place? Keep these at the forefront of your mind while on the scroll. Remember that you’re a beautiful, inspiring, amazing, funny, stylish, soulful and caring woman, who is on social media to share meaningful content. Your friends and family adore you for an unlimited amount of reasons and social squares can’t change that!

7. Create a meaningful life off social media

I know it’s 2018, but not everything needs to be shared online (does anyone else cringe at how much their Mom posts on Facebook?). The more you engage in real-life activities, the ones that make your heart sing, the brighter your light will shine and the bigger, and more special, your life will feel. Who doesn’t want that!

Of course, you can take snaps of the day, after all, you’ll be with the people you love while doing exciting things, however, you can share these pics later, or better still, use these snaps as filler content when your content calendar is looking low! Be present in the moment, appreciate the company you’re with, the surrounding sounds and sights, really taste the food you are eating and don’t miss the sunset. This is what life is all about, after all.

These 7 steps have radically changed my life over the last couple of months. I went from all-consuming Instagram focus (actually, more like competition), to making amazing new friends, genuine engagement, and way, way more meaningful content appearing in my feed.

Be conscious of your use of social media. And like I always say,

Social media isn’t bad, it’s how we engage with it that matters.

Think of all the people you’re reaching and helping with your post, be of service, rather than seeking anything in return. Social media itself is just a few online platforms to share content and sell ad space, not the place to determine your worth in the world. Only you can decide that you’re not good enough. Only you decide if you feel unworthy. And only you can decide that you’re actually a bad-ass woman, doing wonderful things in the world and that you’re worthy as hell of anything you’d desire.

Pretty pictures and someone clicking the ‘thumbs up’ button, can’t decide that. Please, gorgeous woman, keep these steps handy for those days the scroll has you feeling a little less-than. I promise you can get back to feeling like your empowered self in no time, by completing even a couple of them.

Sam Tallent

about the author

Sam Tallent

Sam is a certified meditation teacher and life coach for women, located in Melbourne. All women have an incredibly smart goddess within them, and it is my job to guide you to find her, through intuitive sessions, guided meditations, and practical coaching processes. When she is not consuming all the self-development and self-love material in the world, she is shooting hoops, drinking smoothies at the beach and listening to urban music or podcasts.

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