In today’s episode, Christal and Chrissy discuss the 3 rules for a successful “Friends with Benefits Relationship” – Myth busting some of the horrible online advice for women – and how to turn a FWB into a LTR (Long Term Relationship)
Today we are covering FWB relationships. For those of you my age or older, this means FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS. I remember years ago when someone asked me to cover the FWB topic, I literally looked at them sideways because I had no idea what that meant. I’m getting hipper to these new terms as time goes by.
Here’s another abbreviated term for you, “LTR.” This means, “long term relationship.” Hold onto this term because one of the questions we will be answering is, “how to turn a FWB relationship into a LTR in today’s episode.”
Questions in Today’s Podcast:
- Do you think a romantic relationship can spark from a “friends with benefits relationship?” I’m seeing someone from my old job and we are both going through a divorce (which is both final next month) we have been seeing each other for almost two months. Hanging out, going out bowling or movies or even the added “benefit” part too. But we haven’t said we aren’t any more than friends to everyone who asks. But I was wondering if you think anything romantic can come from this?
- I’m in a friends-with-benefits-relationship right now. We both are kind of afraid to end up in a serious relationship again. (the goal is to keep it simple). So we are actually on the same page. The problem is. We both agreed that it’s okay to meet (hook up with) other people. And the thing is, both of us get bad conscience while meeting or chatting with others and we both get sad knowing the other one might meet someone else. Seems like we are developing big feelings for each other, but at the same time, we don’t want to lose our freedom… What do I do?
- I have a “FWB” relationship with a guy for about two years and he doesn’t want to get in a real relationship. He says he can’t stay away from me and we spend almost 18 hours together. I don’t know if he loves me or just as lust for me but I’m totally attached to him. How do I deal with this?
FWB Myths We Are Busting Today:
It’s harder for women to have FWB than men….
“Females always end up catching feelings…they are wired to seek relationship not sex.”
It’s possible to have FWB with an ex-partner
FWB can never work, someone will always catch feelings
I think the common misconception is that men are more capable of having a friends with benefits relationship than women because they can separate the emotional connection from the sexual relationship. This is assuming that men are more sexual than women. I couldn’t disagree more. While there are biological reasons why “women” would lean more towards emotional relationships, sustaining a “friends with benefits relationship,” in my opinion, has little to do with gender as it does to what your Core Erotic Blueprint is.
Jaiya Ma, world-renowned sexologist, Creator of the Erotic Blueprints, and someone I deeply respect in the field, says there are 5 Erotic Blueprints she’s seen through her work with thousands of people over the years.
Core Erotic Blueprints: Sexual blueprints that shed light on your arousal patterns, beliefs, and physical / biochemical issues that may be standing in the way of a great sex life.
Energetic – Turned on by space, tease, and anticipation
Sensual – Turned on by comfort, relaxation and all the senses ignited
Sexual – Turned on by nudity and flat-out sexual intercourse
Kinky – Turned on by they taboo and power play
Shapeshifter – Turned on by all of the above.
You can take the test here to find out your core erotic blueprint
Regardless of gender, everyone has their own core erotic blueprint. What I have found was most of the women in my community who had a “sexual” erotic core were able to enjoy sexual relationships (FWB) without the need to have an emotional experience with their partner.
Women who leaned more towards the “sensual” erotic core, found it more challenging to have a sexual relationship without an emotional commitment. Not always, but most of the time.
I do believe your erotic core can change and develop over time. As a sensual core myself, when I look back to when I had FWB relationships that worked for me was when I was in the phase of honoring my sexual desires and in the discovery phase of who I was…
Nine years later, what started as a friends with benefits relationship turned into an LTR. That can happen too.
What are the 3 rules for modern singles who want to have a friends with benefits relationship?
Honor what you want and be clear about your “ask”
A FWB relationship is still a relationship. What do you want out of this? What are you asking from your FWB partner? Does this type of relationship fit who you are without compromising your desires? Communication must be clear, and both partners must make their boundaries known and agreed upon.
FWB relationships still deserve respect
Both partners must honor the boundaries discussed. As with any relationship, without respect, it will be easy to overstep someone’s boundaries. Boundaries are the standards of your life, and regardless of the type of relationship, you have to be clear about what those standards are and how the people around you are respecting them, starting with you.
Don’t start an FWB with anyone you already know you want something more with
No reason to play the cool girl. If you know you want something more from someone, do not start something casual with them when you know damn well it wouldn’t feel right to you. Sure, FWB has the possibility of turning into something more, but do not go into FWB agreement with an expected outcome.
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