Is it true that all men should go for what they want? Not always, and it’s this contradiction that seems to frustrate many women who don’t understand why he doesn’t seem interested, even though at times it feels like he is.
Most of us text, in the beginning, to see if we feel any spark or interest towards a new partner. Rarely does it seem that anyone is dating, at least in the traditional sense.
We’re hanging out, getting together and getting ourselves into some complicated situations. Sometimes we become confused because the guy we are interested in doesn’t seem that interested in us.
But why does he still stick around?
We often forget that men go through some difficult emotional situations as women do. They are not exempt from getting hurt, being afraid or even having baggage that prevents them from moving on in a new relationship.
Men are, still to this day, not expected to show their emotions as freely as women do. Even though we say we are looking for the “divine masculine,” rarely do we stop to consider that person might feel things as deeply as we do.
Some men are afraid of getting hurt again, so they create emotional distance (unconsciously) to feel safe.
They do this by communicating infrequently or planning dates sporadically. Usually, with men like this, it is normal to see breaks/space between dates even after having a great time together.
When we experience these breaks we often take it as if he’s not interested. But the truth is, sometimes men need to step back and breathe. They may need to move slower and while they may not always communicate it, distance from a man doesn’t always mean he’s not interested.
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Let’s ask ourselves, ladies: “Do I even have room in my life for love?”
I don’t know how many times I’ve talked to women who say they want a man to be x,y,z and to do x,y,z, but they aren’t even ready to step up to plate to meet this “perfect” man.
If you know you are ready to commit to a relationship and have been seeing a man who is giving you mixed signals, here are some reasons he might not seem interested, even though he is:
1. Sometimes men can sense our readiness and ability to open up depending on where we are in our journey, and if we are sending out that particular vibe men will often distance themselves.
They don’t always act like they’re not interested because they aren’t. Sometimes it’s because men don’t think we’re looking for the same thing, or even that we are ready for what they want from a partner.
2. While healthy communication is an essential ingredient for any relationship, especially a new one, it is something that you can’t force.
In a solid relationship, we hope to be able to tell our partners when we are triggered. But in a new relationship, especially with a man who seems half out the door, casualness is often the best bet. This isn’t about lying or being someone other than who we are. Often the more pressure a man feels in the beginning, the less he will engage with a particular woman.
3. Sometimes space or the “disinterest” from a man, is because he is overwhelmed by our interest and he’s unsure how to process it.
He can’t say that it’s not what he wants, but he also leaves us guessing about if he does either. He seems to enjoy the time together, but then also backs away at times. There are many reasons why a man can come across as being uninterested when he is.
Regardless of if it’s because of his past hurts, baggage, fears, having room in our lives for love or even if we are coming on too strong the most important message is to remember it’s not because we have done anything wrong.
4. Some men need to start relationships slowly and be given space, especially in the beginning.
It doesn’t mean that he isn’t interested or that you are turning him off. At times it’s because slow is the only the speed they know. It’s the only way to move through what is happening without pushing it away altogether.
The important aspect of relationships and love is that the success of the relationship has nothing to do with anything you do or don’t do. This means that while we become anxious or doubt ourselves, the important thing to remember is to be ourselves without censoring anything that we would say or do and also not making ourselves do something that feels unnatural.
If the relationship is going to work, it will, regardless of anything that occurs. If he falls in love with you, it won’t be for anything in particular.
Relationships only work out because two people are in the same place at the same time who both decided to choose to do the work necessary. They occur because both people are ready, and they decide to communicate their fears instead of running from them.
While it’s easy in some ways to say he isn’t that interested, call him a fool and move on, the reality is that may not be what you should do. If we approach relationships with the idea that they are for growth instead of looking at what he is doing, stop to consider what his behavior is trying to show or teach you about yourself. Because often it’s the best relationships that start slow.
Gabrielle SAYS:
Just curious because this article is very relevant to me at the moment: would you encourage confronting him about it then? Calmly and with an open mind. Would it be forcing it to speak to him about where he sees this going? Or should I wait for him to be more engaged? Mind, it’s been several months and the lack of engagement is sort of recent.
As a fairly emotionally inexperienced 22 year old, I’d appreciate the advice. ????