Christal discusses the 10 qualities she looks for in her inner circle – How to be a more trustworthy person – How you might be attracting untrustworthy people and why friendships didn’t last in her life.
We always hear that relationships are built off trust, but how do you know when someone is trustworthy? When you think about your close friends, what qualities do they embody that has kept your friendship group tight? Afterall, we want to surround ourselves with trustworthy people right?
When you think about friendships that have ended, why did they end and what qualities did they lack?
What about your significant other? Do you fully trust them or do you hold your friendships at higher regard? I often see women holding their friendships to a higher standard than their intimate relationships but here’s the truth my dear, whoever is in your inner circle (family, friends, or significant other) they must all embody the 10 qualities I discuss in today’s episode otherwise you will continue feeling unsafe and uncertain about who you can trust with major life issues.
I don’t care if they are family, if they can’t hold up to the standards of being a trustworthy person, you will need to pull the “time-out card” them. If you’re new, let me introduce the time-out card.
Time-out card says: “I love you, but I’m gonna have to love you over here until you learn how to behave in my presence.”
Now, it’s easy to point the finger at others and call someone a bad friend or an untrustworthy partner, but the fact is, you are attracting them for a reason. I know that doesn’t sound pleasant but I’m here to tell you the hard truths, lovingly of course, which happens to be the 9th quality of a trustworthy person I spoke about today (see more below).
When I take a look back at past friendships and relationships that ran their course, I realized there were several qualities missing I wasn’t aware of. There weren’t a clear sense of boundaries, so it was easy for damaging characteristics to go under the radar.
I don’t know about you, but homie don’t play that anymore. I am very protective of the sanctuary that is my home, my relationship, my life, my business, and my energy. Because I’ve gone through friendship breakups in the past, my boundaries are very clear now. Let’s not get it twisted though, there’s a distinct difference between setting clear boundaries and have your walls up.
Boundaries protect your values for life and walls are a defense mechanism. Defense mechanisms are really about other people. Defense mechanisms are a way we repress or project our internal insecurities and fears to avoid conflict, but it has little to do with the conflict itself as it does with the trust you have for handling the conflict that arises.
Walls scream “I don’t trust myself!” I don’t trust I will open myself to the right people so I will just close myself off as a means to avoid it altogether, but you don’t have to be a relationship expert to know that walls also stop you from experiencing spiritual depths of relationships. It also closes you off to the facets of who you are.
So what qualities should we look for in people, so we don’t have to close ourselves off to relationships?
Here are 10 qualities of trustworthy people:
1: Actions before words
This person is all about showing you who they are. They don’t talk about it, they be about it. They live their life with intention.
2: Integrity over an opportunity
They are honest and don’t want anything from you but your relationship. They aren’t opportunistic in the way that compromises the relationship. They would never exploit the relationships around them to accomplish their needs.
3: Trustworthy people have a clear sense of boundaries
They have a clear sense of boundaries which means their priorities are intact. If you don’t have clear priorities it will be easy for you to fall for opportunistic tendencies and exploit or compromise the relationship.
4: They don’t harbor resentment
There is no air of envy or projection of personal insecurities. They don’t make your successes or happiness a personal attack. They celebrate your wins! When someone harbors resentment it’s easier to hurt the relationship and justify your hurtful actions.
5: They don’t seek validation from others
They don’t do things for attention which means they won’t feel the need to share your secrets for the reactions of others. Attention seekers typically love the drama and the need for significance with everything they do. Trustworthy people will not compromise your trust for temporary gain.
6: They are dependable
They do what they say they are going to do around important issues. If they are needed by their loved ones, they are there. They are reliable.
Interdependent vs. Codependent – Someone who’s not dependent on the friendship. They don’t rely on the attention and validation they get from this relationship. They have realistic expectations and know what they have to give.
8: Healthy sense of loyalty
Someone who is a ride-or-die but won’t let you burn in flames just to have your back. They have a clear sense of boundaries. They have your best interests at heart and are able to tell you the truth in loving ways.
9: They speak the hard truths in loving ways
Honesty never has to be brutal, and if you believe it does, it shows more about the projection of your insecurities and fears than the person you are being “honest” to. Trustworthy people are honest in the most loving ways.
10: Their physical presence is at ease when they are around you
Take gauge of someones physical presence when they are around you, and take note of how you feel when you are around them. Energy doesn’t lie, and it will show up in your physical presence. If both people are able to be in a relaxed state around each other, it’s like there is a foundation of trust in that relationship.
Now, before you start pointing the finger at your inner-circle, do you embody these qualities? It’s easy to blame the relationships around us when we are also contributing. You want a good friend, be a good friend. Do you want a relationship built on trust? Make sure you are embodying these qualities of a trustworthy person first.