Christal & Chrissy discuss how to tap into your sexuality – what are some key ways to open to discover your sensuality – how to reconnect with your body after baby and how to help your partner with the ever changing sexual landscape after baby.
Today’s topic is all about opening up sexually and sensually. Me and Andrew’s intimacy took a hit. Our love and partnership was always there but after Rowan, we felt ourselves in the trenches. Survival mode as I like to call it. Where I had to (still am) really trying to reconnect to my body and allowing myself to receive Andrew’s beautiful love.
Babes, what a trip! It’s crazy how we can get into the habit of rejecting the “receiving” of our partners love. We lived our first nine years free, purposeful, connected to our mission as a unit, passionate, and unbreakable.
This past year was a test for sure! not a test of our partnership but testing how we redefined intimacy. It’s not about date nights, grand gestures, vacations (although, I’m loving our first vacation since Covid) it’s really about those tiny moments of presence…
OMGG! PRESENCE. Having a newborn 👶🏻 can really strip the presence out of any relationship. I know as moms it’s hard babes, but dads are also in the trenches with you. As much as I LOOOVE clowning about Andrew’s 10million naps in the past 9months, I also can’t deny how it’s hit him that he was a new dad and that intimacy in our relationship was beginning to transform and without us really being cognizant of it.
It was really hard for me to even articulate the what I needed from him postpartum so I can only imagine how he felt seeing me frustrated, disconnected and feeling alone when all he wanted to say was, “IM HERE!”
It’s really all about getting back to the basics. Exploring what pleasure means on a micro scale. How to find those tiny moments of sweet bliss, and that is what we discuss today.
Sensuality is all about opening up the senses
Create a sensuality guide: Your personal guide to what opens your senses:
What colors make you feel connected and sexy?
What smells?: candles, a warm cup of coffee, your favorite perfume, flo
What textures?
What type of touch do you crave
What do you need from your partner before your body is able to open
Paint the picture, set the mood…
Q&A
“A little background- my husband and I have 2 babies and we love being parents so much and really have a great relationship. However sometimes I feel like we are so disconnected and it has to do with not having much time together lately as we’re also starting a business and a lot of my husbands time goes into that.
I asked the question about initiating sex, my husband confronted me and expressed how much it upsets him that it’s always a fight to get me to want to have sexand also how I never initiate or show any interest. I really understood your response and see it has a lot to do with me changing and not knowing what I want so I will explore that for sure (I haven’t owned a vibrator in years! I need to get one haha)
so my question about sex:
My husband loves to have control in the bedroom. He’s a bit kinky and loves that control and moving me around and positioning etc. I used to be into that but it’s starting to annoy me as it’s getting a bit old, I’m a grown ass woman and want to have some control in the bedroom. When I position his hands where I want them he will do it for a bit and then resort back to whatever he’s invisioned and it makes me feel like he’s just wanting to relive some porn fantasy or something, how should I approach this?”
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“I just finished the Porn episode which I loved and you made so much sense. I was moved to write you about an issue I have developed with my husband over a period of a few years. Yes, years! Here it goes…. I have developed a distance sexually with my husband physically. I feel unattracted to him. I have been honest with him on my distance with our sex life and it was hard as hell to tell him how I was feeling because I LOVE HIM. He’s my everything. I just can’t get turned on. I’m sad. I don’t know what to do, kinda at a loss. I’ve read blog, after blog…. the advice I hear most is if you love him you “should” feel atttacted and love him for who he is. It doesn’t work. We have been together 15 years!! We have three kids together. We vibe sexually and I honestly miss being able to be sexual and sensual with him. I feel a block in my brain when he comes on to me. I feel unattached. We are different people in a lot of aspects which is very complimenting at times but I’m into my health and he is not. That could very possibly be the biggest difference we have. I enjoy working out, eating healthy and enjoying reading and learning about health. He eats all kinds of junk, overeats, and isn’t into exercising or taking care of himself. He has gained about 60 pounds since we met. It’s a turn off for me. I hope to find a little clarity on how to take some steps to encourage healthy communication on my feelings or IF I should even share how I’m feeling. It’s not easy to tell someone you love and respect so much that you are unattracted to their body and unhealthy habits. When we have spoke about it he agrees and understands but nothing has changed, I think it almost has become worse.”
Resources:
7 Ways to Get Out of Your Head in Bed
How to Feel Comfortable in Your Body During Sex
Why Don’t I Want To Have Sex? – 4 Factors Of Low Sex Drive In Women
