In this solo episode, Christal discusses the 8 keys to feeling more confident – What confidence boils down to – and how to develop self confidence after being cheated on.

What does confidence mean to you?

The most confident people to me, are the ones grounded in their energy. Not needing to overextend or do things for the applause, or attention of others. Its energy is connected, present and still. Confidence to me is an energetic presence. It’s knowing where your energy starts/ends and where others begin. The clear boundary between you and others.

As women we tend to fall in the mesh of other peoples energy and opinions that we are constantly in reactive mode, whether inwardly, or outwardly.

True confidence is the falling into the “peace” of you so you can:

see things more clearly
listen more effectively, knowing you are safe in your own truth
drop the armour you thought was once protecting you but is actually keeping you from yourself and the beautiful relationships around you
feel alive in your intimate relationships because there’s no expectation of someone making you happy
stay true to the vision you are creating for yourself without giving into the chatter around you
do things YOUR WAY and not what you see others doing next to you

The most interesting people in the room aren’t trying to be interesting. Let others shine.

Beyond being an energetic presence, confidence to me boils down to one thing: Self-Trust

I learned so much this past week doing another beautiful immersion with my girlfriends Lacey and Mercedes. I call Mercedes a body whisperer. She teaches women how to get back to the raw and beautifully erotic movements of the body. In this practice I’ve learned to sit in the presence of all that I am. To slow down and breath when my mind thought we should be doing more than what we were doing in that moment. My body finally was able to speak.

She said…. “STOP… we need a moment. Sit here with me and listen.”

Falling into her made me feel more and more connected to the essence of me. It allowed me complete and utter presence to the world around me. I was able to be freed from the blockages that came from my body holding onto fear, uncertainty and trauma from my labor/birthing experience. She was able to tell the story in her way without me telling it for her. Listening to her rooted me and gave me the freedom to be who I want to be and not what others need of me.

Feel the room before reacting. Listen before you speak (with your thoughts, with your words).

I mean… I can go on and on, but let’s get micro here. What is self-trust and how can we start to build this self-trust muscle?

Self-trust: 8 Ways to Feel More Confident Within Yourself

Build a record of positive decision making
Show up for yourself and your commitments
Make sure your words and actions hold value
Take accountability
Expand your ability to solve problems
Stop seeking approval on the things that matter most to you
Stop overextending with your words, energy and services for others
Divorce or pull the “time-out” card on people in your life that make you feel less than

Confidence is full ownership and trust of self – It’s not loud, it’s not forceful, it’s not competing for attention. It’s centered, grounded and comes from certainty of who you are.

Question I answer in today’s episode:

“How do I develop true confidence after being cheated on? I’ve been lying to myself and others about my pain, and tried to get over it by sleeping around to give myself a “confidence boost” but I feel as empty as the day I found out he was cheating.”